i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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