I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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