yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
