The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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