God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
