I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
