thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
