Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
