We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
