Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
