very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We are two peas in an std pod
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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