What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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