I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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