Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
