whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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