Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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