I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
