Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
