Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
