I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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