her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
