My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
