dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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