i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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