The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
