i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
