i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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