Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
