my mouth tastes like poor choices
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize