I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
