5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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