Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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