Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
