I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
