It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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