the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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