I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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