there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
