Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
