So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
