I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
