Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
