im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
