I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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