Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
