Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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