there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize