her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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