all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
