I am puke
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
