There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
