There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
