It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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