So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How naked do you want me to be?
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