i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
