When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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