As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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