and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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