I faked an abortion last night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
