Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
