I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
