i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
