What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
