I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize