From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
