You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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