you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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