apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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