Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I should be sponsored by Trojan
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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