Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
