you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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