literally had 100 drinks last night.
We got so high we made milksteak
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize