So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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