The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
