More tranny stories later!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
