How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize